Kim's Success Story:"I Want to Outlive the Cat"

by Kim Stover © 2005 All Rights Reserved.

Isn't it funny...I don't feel like I'm able to submit a "success" story, since I'm not at my goal yet! See how horrible we are to ourselves? So many family members and friends have told me that I don't need to lose another pound, but to me, I will have failed the project if I don't make it to my goal weight, which is 142 pounds. I don't think that this is something that I can get past, no matter how hard I try.

Here's my first attempt at a success story. Feel free to post it...

My highest recorded weight was 373 pounds. I know that I was probably a bit heavier, but since I knew that I was going to the doctor for my annual physical, I dieted the week prior. The dreaded scale! One of the most demeaning things an obese person can experience, is having the nurse search for the little metal thingy that will adjust the scale to weigh you. They can never seem to remember what drawer it was placed in and then when they do find it, they have to pull the manual out to see where to place it. Just shoot me now.

I was a great morbidly obese woman. I thought that I was beautiful and I did all of the things in life that I wanted to. My weight never stopped me from my goals. I was healthy as a horse and at one point, my doctor told me to quit dieting. He had said that I was doing more damage to myself by losing a 100 lbs and gaining it back than just staying at my current weight. Sounded good to me! All of that was fine and dandy until I turned 35. At that point, my body threw in the towel. My perfect blood pressure was now high. So high that I had to go on medication. It was a good medication for another reason. One of the side effects was that it repaired kidney damage, which I had developed due to the diabetes. I had never been diabetic before turning 35 years old. My cholesterol was 227. Higher than it had ever been.

A year after taking diabetes classes and trying to control things with diet and exercise, I started to think about WLS. I had approached my doctor (a new one) a couple of years prior about WLS and she quickly told me "NO". She didn't know any reputable surgeon that would perform the procedure, there were too many risks, and I should probably go on Prozac. So, in the fall of 2002, facing more kidney damage, I started to research the procedure. Al Roker just had it done and he's a normal guy, right? I printed everything off of the Internet that I could find and made a file to take to my doctor. I was ready to fight this battle.

As she entered the room, I stated that I wanted to have Gastric Bypass Surgery (in my biggest voice). As I was taking my next breath to explain why, she responded with a quick, "OK." What? I was ready to fight! I asked her why she gave in so quickly and she said that the procedure had come a long way in a short amount of time. Although there were still huge risks involved, my new diseases that I had developed outweighed the risks of the surgery. People ask me what made me decide to have the procedure done. My response was, "I just want to outlive my cat". I knew that I could probably outlive the dog, but heck, cats seem to live forever.

My procedure went off without any complications. I had to jump through numerous hoops to get there, but by golly, I did everything that they asked of me. Us chronic dieters are great at following the rules. My surgery was September 4, 2003. Almost a full year from when I first inquired about it. I'm glad that I had to wait, as it gave me the time to be sure that it was something that I really wanted to do.

Now it is June 2005 and I'm 5 pounds from my goal weight. I still feel like I'm an obese person. When I dream at night, I'm about 275 pounds, which is funny, because when I was at my heaviest, I was the same size in my dreams. It must be my mental perfect weight. I wear a size 6/8 now which is just amazing to me. At 373 pounds, I was in a size 32 (elastic waist only!). The Salvation Army has reaped the rewards of my dropping that many sizes.

Shopping is an entirely new experience for me. I had always shopped at the Avenue or Lane Bryant (had to lose weight to get into LB biggest size). I loved these two stores. One stop shopping is my all time favorite! Need underwear, shoes and a pair of pants? It's all right here, under one roof, in a perfectly air conditioned store. They keep those places like a meat locker, don't they? At this new size, I find myself wondering aimlessly through the shopping malls. The first time I went into Banana Republic, they asked me which pant cut I wore. What? Did you know that they name their pants? Was I a Martin? A Harrison? I had no idea. I just wanted them to fit and be comfortable. The first pair that I tried on fit like a dream. I rushed to the cashier to pay for my pants...why was I rushing? I didn't want anyone to figure out that I was truly a fat person pretending to be thin in this store. I really felt like my secret was going to be discovered if I didn't hurry out. I exited the store, eyes looking down and extremely excited that the alarm didn't sound off as I crossed the security panels.

When I went to Victoria's Secret for the first time, I walked into the stockroom thinking that it was the fitting room. I could go into any Lane Bryant across this great country of ours and tell you exactly where the dressing rooms were. I was completely lost in these new stores. I thought that it was really interesting that Victoria's Secret's dressing rooms had doorbells. Let me understand this...I ring this bell, and you come to assist me? Brilliant! Why doesn't Lane Bryant have this fabulous button? Nothing worse than needing a different size at 373 pounds. Redress myself, find the bigger size, get someone to let me back into the room only to get undressed again. Misery.

I still love food, probably more than I ever have in my life. I don't think that will ever change. My self image will change over time and I look forward to dreaming of my new body. Oh, and sadly, the cat passed away...but on the upside, I'm still here!